Sneak a few tonnes of “anti-inflammatories” past customs – when the cat’s away the anti-inflammatory importers shall play. There’s a huge gap in the market after two major busts in as many months and surely the AFP are busy putting their feet up and sizzling a few snags on the BBQ.
So load up that boat and do every R M William wearing flogs a favours – they need their powdered confidence to fill the gaping holes in their personalities. More on going full Wayne Carey HERE.
Complain about the super changes en route to Rotto on your Riviera yacht – speaking of boats, what a beautiful day to get your rich friends together and head to Rotto on a $6M yacht complaining about the injustice of a tax on richcunts.
Look upon flogged-out old cray boats in disgust and chortle Pol Roger out of your nostrils as boisterously “joke” about imposing a tax on water peasants for sharing YOUR water space. More silverspooning HERE.
Ruin a Cott residents day with your mere presence – keeping the rich goutbag theme going, you should round up your scaly family, load up your early 2000s station wagon and ruin a Cottesloe resident’s day with your presence at Sculptures By The Sea.
Enjoy the look of sheer horror peeping through the curtains as you use one of their million-dollar driveways to turn around. Let their affluent rage fuel you. That and a grotesque order at the fish & chip shop. More the cott scourge HERE.
Refuse to leave the house – alternatively, you could go old school WA and refuse to even leave the house because “nothing will bloody be open anyway” despite the state having advanced leaps & bounds over the years to have a thriving public holiday hospo & event scene.
Don’t suffer in silence though. Make sure you voice disgust at how boring Perth is and how it could never live up to those 3 months you spent in Smellburn before having to return home because you couldn’t handle renting with 3 other wannabe-tattoo artists in a 1 bedroom apartment in Brunswick. More on hating Perth HERE.
Search for the $40M Powerball winner – this one shouldn’t be hard. Just look for the person who can afford a serving of chips at the pub with the public holiday surcharge. Could it just be a regular rich person? Well no, they will all be on their boats (see activity 2).
Perhaps it could be a FIFO worker? Also no, you’re unlikely to be wanting to eat a bowl of chips 3 days into your long-weekend-0-house-sleep bender. Once you spot the winner try to play it cool. They may even buy you a pint of $18 ginger beer. More on this baller HERE.
Cry about surcharges – much like the person who refuses to leave their house on a public holiday there is the person who would rather ruin a poor hospo worker’s day over a 10% surcharge. Which, as we all know, is 100% the casual minimum wage worker’s decision.
Make sure your complaints are loud, targeted, and followed up with a 1-star rating on socials. It’s not like you knew about the surcharge before going, right? Let it all out, taking out your insecurities over your own lack of success on a casual worker is better than any therapy money can buy.
Lose your mind looking for a park at the Hyde Park Festival – this is a no-brainer. Join the hordes of park-seeking-hotheads as you creep the streets of Highgate & North Perth to enjoy a day out in Hyde Park.
Relish the opportunity to see every backstreet in the area and not actually step foot on the grass at all. Blame everyone under the sun except yourself for being a public transport dodger. Or heaven forbid cop an Uber. More Hyde Park parking HERE.
Slab party – by now you should be at peace with your concrete slab that was meant to be a fully built home 3 years ago. What can ya do, right? It sure as shit isn’t going to be finished today.
So get the crew around and enjoy a good ol fashioned slab party. Drink, dance and be merry without the worry of staining carpet or breaking a window. A truly unburdening experience. It sure beats crying. More on the slab life HERE.
Time your run home from Douth South to imperfection – a classic. Use all your cunning to choose the exact time to head back to Perth from your little Margs getaway.
Mid-arvo sounds about right? No one else would be thinking of squeezing out an extra lunch Douth and coming back in time to get their affairs in order for the week. You are a genius. Smash it home, big ‘orse. More on the art HERE.
Or maybe just go to Freo: 8 Ways To Transition Into Your New Life In Fremantle