Thoughts & Prayers Sent To 7West’s Sports Writers as Nic Nat Hangs Up His Boots

It’s truly a dark day over in Osborne Park as the news Nic Nat’s retiring sends shockwaves through the sports reporting division. Some are in tears. Not because of the legend’s legacy but because they’ll have to choose a new muse to post endlessly about.

The West Coast legend has called time on a solid career where he dominated the ruck and brought a rough & tumble physicality to the game. Unfortunately, the big man was plagued by injury for the latter part of his career.

While the AFL world celebrates his career, the mood is decidedly more somber down at 7West. With the articles about the big man dominanting their reporting. An insider told The Times,

“It’s a hole you can’t really fill. I guess we’ll just have to keep on top of his daily life outside of football. Expect articles about him mowing the lawn or catching a fish. You know, shit like that”

We understand some in the organisation even begged him to continue playing in a country league just so they could get some footy news out about him. Alas, they will probably just have to settle for a 200 page wrap tommorrow followed by the 100 days of Nic Nat specials.

No doubt the big man is looking forward to some quality family time and hopefully a bit less public scrutiny. Although, insiders say that if he does a dodgy job mowing that lawn they’ll send the god damn helicopter out to cover it.

RELATED: Midvale to finally become a tourist destination with giant statue of Nic Nat planned

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