Have you ever wanted to dissolve Ellenbrook into a bath and soak yourself silly in it? Well, now’s a perfect time to dive in with these hot tips.
1. Taming The Tonkin
One of the best things about visiting Ellenbrook is the chance to fall in love with Tonkin Highway all over again.
Rub shoulders with the who’s who of the bald, speed dealer wearing, goatee community as you battle road works, speed cameras and of course debris from poorly secured loads. Think of it like a rollercoaster.
“Why are people so angry on this cursed Highway? I think my wife needs therapy after that commute!” – Testimonial from Bryan.
2. Spew with a view
Say what you will about Ellenbrook but few suburbs in Perth offer as many idyllic day drinking spots. Especially when it comes to lookouts. Ellenbrook loves lookouts just as much as a street-level gear dealer (possibly related).
Make your way to a lookout to consume your weight in Woodstock and then yack your guts up with stunning suburban vistas. Don’t go too overboard though, there is plenty more to explore.
“There is something about a great view that really got the last couple of chunks out. Bonza!” Testimonial from Albert
3. Fight a kid for his vape on the big stage
Ellenbrook knows the future is our children. So they have a bunch of schools that spew teenage angst out onto the street every day. This is your chance to benefit.
Run afoul of a local hoodlum and offer to battle him for his nice shiny vape. Over 80% of students will have one so don’t be too picky. Then suggest you take it to the Ellenbrook amphitheatre for a battle Russel Crowe would be proud of. More on kid’s vaping HERE.
“Look it was a fair fight, he was a bit of a man child and he had a fresh Pineapple. That’s my favourite flavour. I eventually took the victory when I threw him into the duck-shit pond” – Testimonial from Terry
4. Boondies with the yellow sand in one of the many undeveloped lots
It wouldn’t be a Perth sprawl without the broken dreams of unfinished developments, would it? Unstarted plots of land as far as the eye can see. Ain’t it beautiful.
Don’t make someone else’s nightmare your problem though. All that yellow builders’ sand are hiding perfect boondies to lob at each other as you trample all over someone’s future home.
5. See if you can handle the jandal
Kiwis have decided to establish strongholds at both ends of the sprawl. Ellenbrook and Baldivis. So why not play some fun Kiwi-orienated games?
Playing spotto with silver fern bumper stickers is fun. Likewise, getting into an argument with a local scaffolder over a merge on the Promenade will provide hours of entertainment. Choice az!
“Churrrr bro, keep em coming ay! Love to see some fresh meat in the Brook! We call it fellonbrook for a reason cuzzie” – Testimonial from a random Kiwi
6. The Brook mid-arvo fashion parade
After you’ve fought and spewed your way through the day it’s time to convene at the local watering hole for the daily fashion parade. So make sure you’re wearing your best.
When it comes to the Ellenbrook runway the only rule is there are no rules. Mix and match Ford polo shirts with ¾ length shorts. Why not give those cat hair covered Uggs a run with your oodie? Seriously, why not rock up in full Hi-Vis despite not having worked since 1999.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?