10 Ways To Celebrate Like A True Western Australian This WA Day 

Write off a car – Oh! She’s going to be a moist one this WA Day. So why not take the opportunity to take advantage of WA’s awful drainage and get rid of that pesky hatchback that’s been giving you the shits? Easy.

A game of hide & seek a WA headliner for the festival – do your best to seek out a WA headliner at WA Day. This may be a challenge given that WA has chosen to celebrate WA Day by giving all the top spots to Eastern Staters and pushing our local talent down the bill. This wild goose chase should keep you occupied at least!

Drop off some Deep Heat to Lathlain Park – another week and another fresh batch of horrendous injuries for the Eagles. Do your WA duty and drop off some Deep Heat, Voltaren, and maybe some chicken noodle soup for the boys. They will be in dire need. 

Join De Goey in Bali – looks like ole mate Jordan has earned himself an extended mid-season break! So why not do the most Western Australian thing you can do on WA Day and piss off to Bali. Await your favourite Collingwood midfielder. 

Estrange yourself from your kids in honour of the WA person of the year – what better way to show your support for the Western Australian of the Year by telling your kids to get farked. It’s what Gina would do. Make her proud!

Quit your job in solidarity with Marko McGowan – quitting a job you hate is one of the best feelings in the world so why not take some inspiration from Marko and stick that shitty job up someone’s arse. Monday – WA Day, Tuesday – seek.com.au day! 

Merge (your plans) poorly – in a beautiful act of Western Australianism, you should agree to merge your plans with the plans of mates and absolutely cook it! Logistical nightmares, space problems or even old-fashioned timing miscalculations. It doesn’t matter just smash it out.

Bring inadequate wet weather gear to the festival and bemoan your soggy state – you’re a natural at this. A big wet long weekend gives you a chance to dress inappropriately for the conditions and then demand an apology from the organisers of whatever event you went to! It’s the WA way. 

Demand 10% from any Victorian visiting in honour of our GST – a bunch of scaly Collingwood fans are probably still sniffing around Perth. So if you run into one demand 10% more of them. 10% more contrition for De Goey, 10% more beer in a round, and 10% more excuses for why their sunsets are dogshit. You get the picture. 

Have a swan, on the swan with some swans – what a poetic way to round off the long weekend. Head down to the Swan River to smash a few Swanny D’s with our beloved featured friends. Give yourself permission to shed a tear of pride. 

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Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?