BREAKING: Roger Cook Bradburys His Way To Premier

Roger Cook has finally found his way to the head of WA Labor after Mark McGowan retired, Rita Saffioti agreed to jump on a joint ticket and Amber-Jade Sanderson bowed out of the race. 

After Sanderson bowed out, there was no one left for Cook to skate past. So the spot was his. Nevertheless, a win is a win even if it’s a bit of a Bradburying. It’s the kind of victory that WA Labor was happy to see manifest. An insider told The Times,

“In-fighting with factions and unions is such an ugly look. Letting Roger soar across the line victorious shows a strong, united front. They’ll save the devious shit for the election”

Cook is allegedly ecstatic and executed a perfect double hand crotch chop to the waiting cameras in the style of popular WWE wrestler X-Pac. 

He then spent most of the afternoon delivering press conferences in the mirror and dodging phone calls from a certain aggrieved vexatious litigator. A source close to Cook told The Times,

“Yeah, Clive has been ringing off the hook. Initially he wanted to broker a deal to be welcome in WA again but after Cooky ghosted him he’s ringing on a private number and hanging up when we pick up. Breathing very heavily. As you’d expect from a sack of shit like that”

Well done Roger. Now don’t blow it. 

RELATED: BREAKING: Twiggy Offers Mark McGowan A Job “On The Moines”  || McGowan & Kochie Agree To Swap Jobs In A Day Of Shock Resignations || Clive Palmer Commences High Court Action To Become Member For Rockingham, Premier

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