REPORT: Matilda’s bandwagoner laying it on a bit thick…

In the space of just a month, Perth Matilda’s bandwagoner John has gone from a healthy Aussie dislike of soccer to painting his face green & gold for tonight’s match against England. 

While some in his circle are welcoming the change from his usual anti-soccer rhetoric, others believe he may be laying it on a little thick. A mate told The Times,

“3 tattoos is probably a bit much for someone who didn’t even know Australia had a women’s soccer team last month. We love his enthusiasm but he keeps telling everyone he’s unofficially changed his daughters’ names to Mary Fowler and Sam Kerr”

John denies he’s a bandwagoner. Claiming he bleeds green and gold and has been that way since he was born. Adding,

“Don’t be fooled by these threads I’m wearing. They ain’t brand spankin’ new I just look after them like they were my own mother. That’s how much I love the Tillies. Up the mighty Tillies, crush those limey freaks!”

It would have been a compelling argument with the tags weren’t still on his new gear. Nevertheless, he’s been observed rote-learning the name of the entire Matilda’s squad all week. A mate told The Times,

“Yeah, that’s classic bandwagoner shit. He wouldn’t know a single name if he didn’t carry around a list with them all recorded in his pocket. He goes into the toilet at the pub and bones up on them before coming back and asking why everyone isn’t cheering loud enough for his girls”

Furthermore, John has told The Times that if the Matildas get through tonight he will be “moving heaven & earth” to get to the next game. He is even considering selling his antique Midori Illusion shaker he planned to give to his first born son. He added,

“Not only will i make it to the World Cup final but I’ll quit my job and follow the Matildas around for the rest of my life. That’s how serious I am”

Simmer it down John, simmer it down. 

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