REPORT: Stressed parents don’t need this Book Week malarkey right now

As much as stressed parents Bianca and Tom want to pretend Book Week is a beautiful celebration of literature, all they can think about is how tf they will be able to slap together a costume of whatever god-forsaken non-book their kid has chosen to obsess over this time.

This year, their daughter has insisted she goes as Bluey and their son wants to go as Nic Natanui. Bianca told The Times,

“The pressure is unbearable. We don’t want to embarrass our little ones with shoddy costumes but who has the time or money these days for these frivolous pursuits? Don’t even get me started on the literature-shaming too. If our moron son wants to go as a footy player then believe me, it’s easier if we just allow that to happen”

Tom who was looking down the barrel of another 60-hour week told The Times,

“Love that for us. We’re both working to keep on top of this interest rate bullshit and now we have to figure out a way to make a fkn dog costume and I guess a dreadlock wig and an official Eagles guernsey, that sounds cheap. Honestly, I reckon it’d be easier to get through Tolstoy’s body of work than do this shit every year”

In a bold attempt to snag an easy costume, Bianca has been leaving Casper the Friendly Ghost books around. Alas, because the lovable little poltergeist isn’t popping off on TikTok there’s Buckley’s chance of her children caring about it. She added,

“Want to know how it’s going? We just had a 25-minute tantrum after explaining to our boy why we can’t use face paint to make him look more like Nic Nat. We are not going to be those parents. He just didn’t understand and now we have ruined book week apparently. FML”

Bianca and Tom would like to send a message out to all the wealthy parents with time & resources – stop being so extra and normalise phoning it in. For the sake of the battlers.

On the other side of the Book Week spectrum: THE HUMAN ZOO – Mrs Book Week

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?