10 Ways The 2023 Federal Budget Will Help Return WA To The Dizzying Highs Of The Boomtown Era

While WA is always in a state of booming it has been a while since we were well and truly the Boomtown we all knew and loved. Thanks to the 2023 Federal Budget we are on track to boom from arsehole to breakfast time.

$2B to promote the long mac topped up to the world – WA’s hospitality sector is expected to boom with an impressive $2B pledge to promote our state’s favourite coffee to the world. It is expected that the campaign will bring baristas from all over the world to be a part of the movement. The whole world will be getting topped up. More on our beloved drink HERE.

$500m grant to bring Chooks back – Chooks isn’t just a fast food chain, it’s a fundamental right of every Western Australian. Again, the $500m pledge will go towards creating dozens of hole-in-the-wall Chooks where a busy Western Australian can grab some of the finest chips in town on the go. A major economic stimulator. More on Chooks HERE.

Exception for Vapes in the mining industry – without vapes, Australia stops. Albo has conceded that while little eshay fuckwits won’t be able to recreationally vape, they will make an exception for FIFO workers. A significant investment in the remaining stock from CBD convenience stores is expected to be announced. More on the vape ban HERE.

$200M to Unis to set up TikTok influencing classes – our higher education system is in tatters. It’s harder and harder to attract international students to milk fees from, so Unis will have to think outside the box. Thus the only way to boost enrollments is to give the zoomers what they want – TikTok influencer classes. More on current classes HERE.

$1B to extend urban sprawl to England – luring skilled workers is Western Australia’s no.1 priority. So to make Perth seem a bit more attractive to the Brits, the sprawl will be extended right to their doorstep. With England becoming a suburb of Perth with a train line and all. Extra promises have been made not to “Ellenbrook” them. More on the plan HERE.

$400M on “too late we’re here” silver fern bumper stickers – unfortunately, scaffies are a major part of the construction process. We need them so we need Kiwis. Thus $400M will be spent on luring them over with an offer they can’t refuse – a 2005 Commodore with a fresh silver fern bumper stick on the back. Chur! More on our kiwi friends HERE.

$50M to randomly lower one bridge for our entertainment – this commitment is about enriching our lives. Baysie was taken from us so we need a new bridge to get our jollies from. The $50m commitment will go towards lowering a likely target. After all, a happy population is a prosperous population. 

More Dexie scripts to tackle the cost of living – doctors will be able to give patients double the scripts and the cost of the medication will be further subsidised. Albo said in a press conference that no Western Australia should have to pay more than $2 for a d-banger and that is what this initiative is aimed at. 

Introducing a higher tax on the booze politicians like to drink – expensive bottled wine will be on the cards rather than alcopops and canned bourbon drinks. Just kidding! Enjoy paying $40 for a fkn 4 pack of Jacks, plebs. 

Mike Whitney Authorised to hand out $50 to everyone again – Dare for the Dole. Who Cares Wins. This scheme has many names and will be a real boost to people doing it tough. Instead of wasting half your life on the phone to Cenno you can just smash down some dry Saos for $50 on Hay Street. An obvious winner. More on the scheme HERE.

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